Ok so this is everything that I felt a few months ago. Maybe it's not what you want to hear, but you have time. And by that, I don't mean that you have free time, now. I mean that you have time, in the future. Take things one step at a time. You said you are still a student. Well, take care of that, first. If it's not keeping you busy enough, invest in something else. A new language, a wierd hobby that you aren't sure you'll like, but you think it might be useful in the long run (I find sewing to be a valuable skill in life; or cooking, damn is life hard to live on sandwiches). Or, even better, enjoy the free time. I know it's hard now. I'm not sure how it's going over there, but in my country, the last few months as a student have been... well, not to sound dramatic, but man, I felt like I needed more hours in a day. Or maybe it was just me, as I am a closeted procrastinator. I found a tumblr post that helped me when I was feeling what you are feeling, but with the pressure of actually having that degree packed and not used. It said: Just because you took longer than others doesn't mean you failed. This is not a race. Others success doesn't have to be your failure.

Oh God, you mean to tell me I wasn't the only one dealing with it? I graduated in July, expecting it would be oh so easy to get a job - I have a pretty good degree, to be honest. But guess what? It was not easy. At all. Nothing could have prepared me for the hunt, I swear. I applied for hundreds of jobs. At some point, I applied for jobs that where way under what I was actually meant to do. Even those didn't work out. Interviews were always great, but somehow all ended the same. I hunted for months. I got in a really bad place at some point, feeling useless, feeling like all the effort in Uni was for nothing and that I had absolutely no purpose. All my plans - I had lots of plans - were pushed back or completely destroyed, because I had no money. I had to go back home to a country-side type of town, and let me tell you, it's pretty goddamn hard to find a job as an engineer when you are surrounded by fields and cows and pigs and- yeah. My boyfriend would get impatient sometimes - we graduated at the same time with the same degree, but, you'll never guess, males have a higher chance of getting employed in the technical domain, can you believe it? He had reason to get impatient, to be honest. I was kind of holding him back, too, but it wasn't from lack of trying, you know? And then salvation came, right before Christmas. So now I have a job, but you know what? This doesn't make me feel more adult. It somehow feels like going to school, still. I still feel like I need to depend on my family, I still feel like I can't make it on my own. What I'm trying to say is, I don't think we would ever feel like real adults. We were raised with the ideology that, as adults, we will have all the answers. Well, I don't see myself knowing all the answers. Hell, if asked what type of coffee I like, I can'd actually answer, because I drink it different every time. And I drink a lot of coffee. So adulthood is not a feeling, I guess. Maybe we just have to fake it 'till we make it. I bet that's what everyone does. Also, work/money doesn't solve all the problems, but it sure as hell helps.

I'm sorry, but this is SO GOOD. I have zero experience with dating apps, but damn, somehow I could relate to most of this.

Thank you for answering! I guess I just have to learn to live with it. Life has a funny way of taking and giving, so maybe one day I'll have the closure that will give me peace. You are absolutely right when you say that friendship is a two way street. In my country we have a say that roughly translates to "You can't force love." I think it applies to platonic love also.