Feb 15, 2021
In Friendships in my 20s
I'm not sure exactly how to say what I want to say, because every time I try to put it into words it makes me feel like I'm an asshole. But I'll give it another chance. So, I feel like context is necessary here. I'm from a small town in a low quality life style country, if that makes sense. Anyway, here, everyone knows everyone, and one's business is everyone's business by default. As kids, we all can't wait to get the hell out of here, and some manage that faster than others. I couldn't leave until I had to go to college, but my friend had a better money-related situation and had been able to escape since the beginning of high school. We kind if lost and got back in touch every now and then, and for short periods of time it felt like we would be friends forever. I have to admit, she did most of the work for that in high school, as I have this damned feeling that I am annoying people when I start a conversation and tend to not do that. So, high school was kind of ok, with us meeting and talking here and there. But then, when I got into a good college against all hope, and we were finally in the same city, we just... never really got to talking again? There was an episode, second year of college, when I sent her a text to wish her a happy birthday and everything, and we got to meet up for coffee and talked a lot, and she somehow felt like I was the best choice to help her through a rough patch in her life, but after things got better there, she never reached out again. I tried a few time, every time receiving the same answer, (I have a lot to study, I have plans, maybe some other time) and always we would end up saying that shitty thing *call me when you have time*, and I guess she never really had time again. I got tired of being the one to reach out, and I feel like an asshole for it because she was the one to reach out when we were teens, but I just don't know what to do. I feel like it's normal for us to drift apart, yet sometimes a find myself missing her and wondering about her. I'm not even sure if I want to get back in touch. I guess I just don't want to feel guilty about not getting in touch. So... shit, I hope it made sense what I said here. Should I reach out one more time? By now, she moved even further away, like 6 hours away, and we most likely have jobs and busy lifestyles, but... Yeah, I don't know. Is it normal? Is it ok to mourn a friendship when I don't even try to get it back to life? Sorry for the word-vomit. I just had it on my mind for a while...