For a long time i never thought i was the kind of person to get 'pms' - since getting my first period when i was 16, each month it would just come and go.
but recently, now that i'm 22, i'm starting to realise this annoying pattern: towards the end of the month (usually days that start with a 2) i become an ABSOLUTE MESS. i don't know what triggered this to start, but it's not fun at all. i also don't think people talk about it enough, and that its ok to be an absolute waste(wo)man at this time.
two days ago i woke up after a mere 6 hours of sleep (my own inflicted pain) and minutes after sitting at my desk, i just had this jittery, anxious, uneasy, i-feel-like-screaming kind of monster growing inside me. i couldn't figure out where this rage was coming from, and i couldn't be bothered to actually deal with it like a sane person (all the online tips said shit like: read a book! drink tea! go outside for a walk!), and all i wanted to do in that moment was just eat any and all chocolates in my house so that afterwards i could proceed to eat something salty. so thats exactly what i did.
after that i just lay in bed for half an hour watching pointless youtube videos (bare in mind this was meant to be an actual full day of remote working), got up, went to the loo and came back to bed. i was so over it that i even found myself looking at IG stories of people i frankly don't give two shits about. no matter how hard i tried i just could not muster the energy to sit and focus on my work. soon enough, my inner-bitch self talk kicked in, and i began feeling bad for feeling bad (can anyone else relate?). i felt like an absolute shit and a fraud because i like to think that usually i'm a relatively productive person but on this one day, i was real low. i got worried that this -lazy and unmotivated potato- was who i really was deep deep down. my only solution at the time was to literally just endure the day and sleep it off.
today i woke up - and i still didn't feel 100%. but it was better than the last two days, but at least i went out for a walk, and that's gotta count for something.
idk. i just hope that if anyone else goes through the same thing each month - they realise that they're not alone. we need to give ourselves unconditional permission to be a wasteman every once in a while.