i recently moved into a new flat with a new flatmate - she's been my friend for years (since high school!) and i knew i was going to feel super comfortable living with her.
yet, i've found myself feeling this odd sense of inadequacy when it comes to a social life. she's not studying or working at the moment so its only natural that she has more free time to make new friends, fit in plans for nights out, and go out to fitness classes with other people. i, on the other hand, am barely holding my shit together trying to stay on top of my degree, make quality time to spend with my boyfriend and maintain my own sanity that my social life has been abysmal. i've said no to more plans than ever before, because I'm constantly thinking about the endless to-do list that has engraved itself to the back of my brain.
so i found myself feeling a) somewhat envious that she has all the time in the world b) mildly inadequate because i didn't have as many friends (i realise how stupid this sounds as i type it but its the truth) and c) like i was a lame hermit crab who just didn't know how to interact with others anymore.
i know that im probably more introverted than i'd like to admit. and i need a lot of alone time to recharge. and i definitely prefer to have 5-8 ride-or-die BFFs rather than 50 friends that i kinda know. but the pressure to be more extroverted, chatty, and have an exciting social life has never been this strong before. i know im putting this pressure on myself, but hey, they say your environment has a huge effect on your mindset right?
im trying to cope by turning to susan cain's book 'quiet' - and so far im finding it pretty helpful. this process of finding 'flaws' with myself and coming to realise that everything is actually ok is something that I'll probably repeat for the rest of my life. but for now, i just wanna feel good about/at least accepting of my introverted inner-child.
i don't think i'll ever be a social butterfly. but im ok with that.