I don’t think it's a mystery that people are more scared of getting into relationships because of some past trauma. A bad breakup, divorced parents, some childhood memory that’s preventing you from seeing the value of a consistent, monogamous partner, the very real fear that another person, potentially better suited to you, is another swipe away.
At the beginning of the year, I would've said I was a long-term relationship gal. A find-me-a-husband, I want to settle down kind of person. Arguably even now, I see the value of having one partner - someone who knows everything about you, that one spot on your back that always gets tense, how you like your steak done, and all the baggage that you have.
In fact, I started this post two months ago. It was originally titled 'my best friend is a fuckboy' but recently, we've all agreed that the tables might've turned. Within these two months, she's gone from self-destructing good relationships because she was scared of getting hurt to telling her boyfriend that she loves him. Conversely, I've gone from husband-hunting to almost feeling unable to settle. 'Serial monogamy' was a term I used to describe her and is now more of what captures me.
I don’t know if it’s a consequence of getting hurt, or feeling like no one can ever compare to that one who got away but it sucks knowing you’re throwing something that could be perfect away just because your body is seeking an unstable, agonising situationship, instead.
I know the grass just seems greener on the other side and that's what sucks. I'm never fully content where I am.