My first rodeo with dating apps was in my first year of university. Let me set the scene, I am 18 and straight out of a Catholic school. I never had a boyfriend or a fling in my life. My inability to talk to men messed up any chances of meeting someone ‘organically’. So I decided to download Tinder. Now looking back, maybe not the best dating app to use at first. But people swiped right on me and I even talked to some of my matches. Did I meet any of them? No. Did it give me validation that I was attractive enough to be swiped right on? Yes. However, if you know anything about dating apps at first you get likes with every other person but after a while, you don’t match with people as much and then you think to yourself What happened? Why is no one swiping right on me? So I deleted it off my phone. But over the years I have redownloaded and then deleted it again. It became an endless cycle when I became bored, I would download it and use it for a couple of weeks. I even used other apps such as Hinge, bumble or Thursday (a fun fact you can only use it on Thursdays). But the same pattern happened. I got a lot of matches at the beginning and then none within a week or the men I swiped right on didn’t swipe right on me.
I never really thought about this idea of basing self-worth on dating apps in the beginning. I always thought I was confident in myself. However, a few weeks ago I went out with my friend and we talked about it. I noticed a pattern I developed. Anytime I felt bad about my looks I would download a dating app to see that men in fact did find me attractive but this was only a temporary fix because the likes never lasted. The chats with people I matched with never went anywhere. It became this toxic game or habit of mine which I need to try to break because how can I expect someone to love me if I can’t love myself unconditionally? So for now I am going to delete them and actually try to stay off them and learn to love myself xxx
Oh feeels. 10000% I don’t think you should feel bad about that at all cause that’s literally what they’re designed to do. Like they’re DESIGNED that way (boosting new and recently updated profiles) to give you that high of the validation when you first join so that you keep coming back to it. Can’t blame em but I still do.