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      Thoughts in my 20s
      Dec 27, 2021

      Is self-care turning me into a narcissist?

      in The biggest lessons in my 20s

      Recently, I was indulging in my version of self-care, watching Matt D'Avella's videos when I stumbled across this one - Is Self care turning you into a narcissist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICdS3mLcaNI&ab_channel=MattD'Avella.


      As with most videos, I've just put it on with no intention of applying anything to my life. See also: How to make X extremely complicated, 72 hour meal at home or makeover your entire kitchen for £120,339,293!


      But then, he mentioned something along the lines of how self-care is an excuse to push friends away and I almost immediately felt called out. I was @-ed. How many times have you seen 'normalise cancelling plans when you're tired'; 'you shouldn't need an excuse to put yourself first'; the whole of 'Women don't owe you pretty' mantra. At first, it was inconceivable. I kept asking myself (and my friends) how anyone would have any friends if they treated other people like that. And then, it started creeping into my life:


      - plans being cancelled because of being tired

      - not turning up to something you committed to because you 'don't feel like it'

      - not doing what's best for someone else because 'ultimately, you have to do you'


      And what do I or the person end up doing instead? Sitting in bed watching reruns of the same tv shows, drinking alone and losing touch with life-long friends because why should I bother reaching out if they don't? I have my own shit going on too.


      I'm not proposing you run yourself to the ground until you're sick or go on tolerating toxic, one-sided relationships. I just mean that maybe we're all too comfortable in our complacent little bubble hidden behind the facade of 'self-care'. Is self-care turning me into a narcisist? I don't know. But it's definitely an excuse that I use to be a lazy, unforgiving, selfish human being.

      1 comment
      Marcelina
      Dec 27, 2021

      I read something along these lines in a book by Grace Beverley. She wrote about how sometimes we avoid tasks and use 'self-care' as an 'excuses' not to do it. Learning when we really need self-care and using self-care as an excuse not to do something is a process which can take a long time to master

      1 comments

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