The 2021 Pandemic

At the end of last year, I was fighting to stay in London. The pandemic hit and it truly felt like the world was against me. While I tend to have a flair for the dramatics, riddle me why a national lockdown began two weeks after I started seeing someone that was the guy of my dreams; the only graduation I’d attend, was cancelled; the last big trip I’d potentially take with my grandmother was life threatening; the biggest unemployment rate in recent history sprung up just as I needed a job to stay in the country and how if I graduated just a year later, there would be a new law allowing international students to stay in the UK, two years after they graduated. By the Grace of god, my hard work and a lot of panic, I was able to apply for a year long visa, just *4 days* before my student visa expired. For someone who had their entire life planned out ahead of them, I was ridden with anxiety at the thought of not knowing what continent I’d be on in the next week. My aunt, a doctor with whom I was living with at the time, was stressed about the stress causing my hair to fall out in chunks on her floors. Thankfully, it all worked out and I got to stay on to see another day in London. This was, of course, from my bedroom window while we faced lockdown after lockdown. Still, I’m enjoying my time here. The oddly fulfilling independence of not being coddled, the challenge of constantly being pushed with learning new skills, even, the emptiness that isn’t so easily replaced by my dogs’ cuddles back home. Despite the slower pace because I’m not speed walking for my commute anymore, I find myself happiest on my daily walks. I’m the first one to admit that I don’t particularly like people, yet the lack of them really makes you appreciate whenever you do see someone around. The reciprocated nod and smile to strangers I pass on the street, the exchange of a couple extra words to the barista, the warmth and excitement that comes along whenever I do get to see my colleagues. On the days these occurrences don’t happen, I’m forced to think about why I really wanted to stay. Was it for the boy I was no longer seeing? The buzzing office of an accelerator programme that now saw 5 people, at most? The friends that either went home or lived hours away? The fast paced mindset and work culture now replaced by WFH memes? It’s still something I’m figuring out as I debate staying on this year. I don’t know if I’ll even have the choice, but if I did - would I even want to?