i recently started reading emily ratajkowski's book 'my body'.
i came across this book because I saw someone recommend it on social media, and started reading it without really knowing who exactly she was. it became clear as I read that she's a super-model who also featured in robin thicke's blurred lines music video.
the book itself is actually a really insightful autobiography that explores the nuances of female beauty, the commodification of it, what feminism really means, and how to make sense of living in the bodies that we have. it discusses how girls are raised to question themselves constantly, engage in the comparison game, and somehow come out of it knowing exactly what we want for ourselves.
i was really enjoying the book up until about halfway, when i decided to actually google who this emily ratajkowski person is - i was met with images of an extremely attractive, 'typical' Hollywood model. obviously i should've expected that knowing that she was a model. but as i continued digging around her Instagram, the more i noticed myself finding it hard that this woman was the person behind everything i was reading. her feed was just like any other hot celebrities; pixels of her in her bikini, posing with her perfect abs, flawless make up, dressed in gorgeous dresses, going on extravagant holidays, living that 'insta-worthy' life.
i guess the truth is, i had a gross assumption that these kinds of people had it easy. and that people who had the time to curate such a perfect-looking life must be so self-absorbed that they wouldn't have the mental capacity to deeply explore complex topics, let alone write about it so eloquently.
i was partly feeling guilty for the assumptions i had made. but i also couldn't help feeling like her words started to carry less weight after seeing all those images. there was just such a disconnect between the contemplative words she wrote and the surface level flashy photos online.
i don't know whether my reading of the remainder of the book has been altered simply by the fact that i now know the face (and body) behind the words. does that make me a bad person? that all of a sudden i struggle to take in her words as seriously because i saw what she looks like?