I'm not sure exactly how to say what I want to say, because every time I try to put it into words it makes me feel like I'm an asshole. But I'll give it another chance.
So, I feel like context is necessary here. I'm from a small town in a low quality life style country, if that makes sense. Anyway, here, everyone knows everyone, and one's business is everyone's business by default. As kids, we all can't wait to get the hell out of here, and some manage that faster than others.
I couldn't leave until I had to go to college, but my friend had a better money-related situation and had been able to escape since the beginning of high school.
We kind if lost and got back in touch every now and then, and for short periods of time it felt like we would be friends forever. I have to admit, she did most of the work for that in high school, as I have this damned feeling that I am annoying people when I start a conversation and tend to not do that.
So, high school was kind of ok, with us meeting and talking here and there. But then, when I got into a good college against all hope, and we were finally in the same city, we just... never really got to talking again?
There was an episode, second year of college, when I sent her a text to wish her a happy birthday and everything, and we got to meet up for coffee and talked a lot, and she somehow felt like I was the best choice to help her through a rough patch in her life, but after things got better there, she never reached out again.
I tried a few time, every time receiving the same answer, (I have a lot to study, I have plans, maybe some other time) and always we would end up saying that shitty thing *call me when you have time*, and I guess she never really had time again.
I got tired of being the one to reach out, and I feel like an asshole for it because she was the one to reach out when we were teens, but I just don't know what to do. I feel like it's normal for us to drift apart, yet sometimes a find myself missing her and wondering about her.
I'm not even sure if I want to get back in touch. I guess I just don't want to feel guilty about not getting in touch.
So... shit, I hope it made sense what I said here.
Should I reach out one more time? By now, she moved even further away, like 6 hours away, and we most likely have jobs and busy lifestyles, but...
Yeah, I don't know. Is it normal? Is it ok to mourn a friendship when I don't even try to get it back to life?
Sorry for the word-vomit. I just had it on my mind for a while...
Thank you for answering!
I guess I just have to learn to live with it. Life has a funny way of taking and giving, so maybe one day I'll have the closure that will give me peace.
You are absolutely right when you say that friendship is a two way street. In my country we have a say that roughly translates to "You can't force love." I think it applies to platonic love also.
Context was completely necessary so here’s the backstory to what I’m about to say - In a very similar fashion, my best friend from First year of uni was someone who went to the same high school as me we are both from the same small island that was 14 hours away by flight. We did everything together we lived in the same halls we would have lunch together every day we would study together and only when we went to bed were we ever really apart. A lot of our friends thought we were dating, because what straight boy and girl could be best friends right? Well we could, and since then I have not really found a male best friend who I spent day in and day out with in the same way, until very recently. We fell out in second year after year he was consistently dating this girl who was extremely toxic for a cat I tried to help him time and time again but sometimes you just can’t get through to that. We decided that it was too hard to be friends one because I couldn’t deal with having my friend be upset all of the time and to because he couldn’t deal with a friend who hated his girlfriend and a girl friend who hated his best friend and every day I think about the friendship I lost. And yet I don’t reach out. We are now in really different stages of our lives - he is still in university while I have gone onto working and even though I really miss the kind of friendship that we had because I cannot find it anywhere else (the kind of looks we used to give each other and instantly understand what we were thinking; the kind of banter that we would have; the kind of support that we would give each other), there is always something holding me back. So yes, I think it is completely normal to mourn a friendship that you don’t try to get back. I think it is similar to having an ex that you might still deep, deep, deep down care for yet know is completely wrong for you. Friendship is a two way street and as much as I wish we could just force people into caring about us as much as we care about them, I hope that we can learn to value ourselves as much as we value their friendship.